if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
