Already got asked if we're dating
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
