"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
