Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You need a sexual gate keeper
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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