Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
