Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
