I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
