Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
