wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
