I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
