The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
