Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
