I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
