If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
