And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
