I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Someone signed my nipple.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
