I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
