Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
