Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize