FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
