He kissed a someone with a penis
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
