Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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