I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We just shotgunned beers for America
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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