I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
