Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
