...so i touched it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
