K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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