omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
