At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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