just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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