Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize