If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
