If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize