I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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