i just had sex bonerless
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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