i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
