everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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