My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
