ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't think brook has ever known best
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
