I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
