All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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