hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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