new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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