Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
