He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
