My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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