Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
