Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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