It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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