I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
