Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
