it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
