we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
