Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
