At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
