I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
