I could have mohawked her pubes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
