What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Shame is for Republicans.
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