I puked a lego.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
