Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
