Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i out mim tonsoeep
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