Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
