like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
