we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize