smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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