when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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